The Rock – Swimming with my Spouse

My rock in stormy seas. Introducing Mr Seabird

The final part in the family swim stories trilogy.

Part I – Libby in the Lakes – swimming with my Daughter

Part II – Monarch of the Glen – swimming with a Laird

My husband and my depression, have been constants in my life since I was teenager. We met when I was 12 and he was 13 and we got together when I was 15 and he was 16. Right about the time when my teenage brain was experiencing it’s first incidence of poor mental health, and seeking out new risky experiences, resulting in lots of poor choices. He watched the poor choices from the wings, without partaking himself, often clearing up the debris.

Over the years, like any couple we’ve had our ups and downs, as my mental health has had it’s up and downs. Sometimes the two things are intertwined. My choices have improved with age and so has his support. He doesn’t always agree with my choices, decisions and ideas but his support is unwavering. When I let him get a word in edge-ways, he has been known to give bloomin’ good advice. He is the rock I cling to in stormy seas.

My choice to skin swim in the sea year round is also watched from the wings. He loves that I do it, but he neither has the time or inclination to join me. He enjoys being at the beach or in the sea but he prefers gentle beach breaks or small hidden coves and warmer sea temperatures. Our holiday choices are easy. It has to be by the sea and the car is filled with neoprene, SUPs and surf boards. He will get up early for solo surfs and be the first one to suggest a sunset swim before bed. Finding a beautiful secluded beach in Cornwall a couple of years ago and forgetting our swimsuits meant a skinny dip was inevitable. The teens are yet to forgive us.

Our holiday choices match but the type of swims we like can differ. I have been bought up on steep shingle shelves and long shore drift. Brighton beach is my favourite place to swim. It’s familiar, although ever changing. It’s my safe space although sometimes precarious. He only likes it local when it’s warmer and when it’s slack tide. He hates the, sometimes unstoppable, strong tidal current that can be like swimming on travelator going the wrong way. A couple of hard swims home when I’ve encouraged him to swim with me didn’t help lessen his hatred for fast moving water.

On special occasions I can convince him to swim with me on home territory. The featured image above show the pre-swim smiles of my 45th birthday. Early on a Sunday morning in July he accompanied me for a swim out to the buoys in front of the King Alfred. There is no post swim photo. There was no post swim chat. There was only post swim sulks, from both of us. The cross shore pull that had made reaching the buoy relatively easy was making the swim back tough. As I swam beside him giving advice on where to aim for to exit the sea safely and where we had left our bags I infuriated him more as I was able to talk and swim and wasn’t in the slightest bit concerned about getting back to dry land. We ended up having a row in the sea that resulted in me swimming off in the direction I had suggested and him the other. In hindsight I realise I had taken him out of his comfort zone, then emasculated him with my nonchalance in the water only to abandon him when he was feeling vulnerable. The salt in the wound being the walk over sharp shingles at the end of his ordeal. He is so confident in every other aspect of his life it didn’t enter my mind that this was something he was doing for me and not necessarily something he wanted to do.

It really is the pull of a current that he hates. In a warm non-tidal Mediterranean sea he would regularly take the children out to depths and distances that left me watching from a sunbed in horror. Fortunately, a couple of bad experiences haven’t put him off swimming with me…..just not in Brighton. This year’s birthday was spent swimming the Somerset Levels together. Pull of the water panic was replaced by pike panic. There was our trip to Scotland. The glens and waterfalls are hands down, the most beautiful place we have both ever had the pleasure of swimming. The peaty dark brown lochs provided a very different swimming experience as he confidently entered the water I splashed and stayed in the shallows put off by the murky water and what could lie beneath. He also joined my sister and I when we swam in Bude Tide Pool in April in armed only with his swim shorts. But he is at his happiest in a Cornish cove in the summer.

I call him a fair-weather swimmer but he is really not. He just doesn’t enjoy some of the same swims as me and there is nothing fair-weather about being married to me. All the while I wish to skin swim, year round I have the company of the Salty Seabirds. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all!

Scribe: Seabird Kath

Footnote: I am reading and editing this in bed pre-publication and he is snoring to the point of punching his face in! It ain’t all hearts and roses.

The fish that forgot how to swim – how this seabird forgot to practice what she preaches

It’s been days since I have been in the sea. Even for a paddle. My cossie lies unused in a heap on my bedroom floor. My googles are stiff and brittle from under use. I look longingly at the Seabird’s Facebook posts and Instagram feed of wonderful sunny dips in crystal clear summer seas. But I am missing.

I have long talked about the benefits of skin swimming all year round and will bore anyone who is willing to listen about how it has helped me personally. Please Note; I will also bore those that aren’t willing to listen. But I have stopped going in. Hardly an endorsement of my passionate belief that salt water and the Seabird flock can cure pretty much anything.

I haven’t stopped because I am scared. I haven’t stopped because it doesn’t work. I have stopped because I am busy. There I said it. I’m one of ‘those‘ people who wear BUSY as a badge of honour. You know the ones that tell you they work 16 hour days, 7 days a week. The ones that when you ask them how they are instead of replying ‘fine’ they give you their to do list or a break down of their social calendar. The ones that can’t take the two seconds required to reply ‘OK’ to your text yet their Social Media activity is ever present. You know the ones!

To be fair the busy I have been is all good busy. The eldest has navigated her way through GCSEs and Prom which I wanted to be very present for. The youngest has started heading for the hills after school on his mountain bike and playing cricket so lots of random last minute dinner time and menu changes. We are in the start up phase of Seabirds Ltd which has included the webshop launch and pop ups. A big learning curve plus a lot of marketing including writing blogs! Usual summer socials like Festivals, Fairs and BBQs. And I am free-lancing as a Surf Life Saving Instructor teaching 30+ local school kids a day some fundamental first aid and life saving skills before they break up for the summer holidays. So I am getting in the sea, but sharing it with 30+ kids isn’t exactly the salted well-being I need. Think less serene and more screams!

But it is exactly now, when busy becomes overwhelming, and the brain has too many tabs open that rest and respite is needed. For me this takes the form of  a sea swim. 10 minutes. 30 minutes. Dare I say it, an hour of sea swimming self care is long overdue.

TIME FOR AN INTERVENTION! (Of the swimming kind)

So today I have packed my swim bag! I have a ton of paperwork to catch up on today and then a Social Enterprise Start Up workshop to attend 5-8pm. (See there I go again telling anyone who will listen how busy I am!) But after that I am heading for the big blue. I have also figured out with a bit of organisation I can get in in the mornings before a load of excited school kids arrive and teaching begins.  I just need to be organised and creative with the times that I swim.  So I will be keeping a small packed swim bag with me on my travels all week and taking advantage whenever I can. There’s normally a seabird available somewhere for company but if not I am going to have to brave a solo swim. Not done one of the those before. Done skin swimming all year round. TICK. Done round the swim area buoys. TICK.  But never swum alone. I think it is time to give that one a TICK.

As Dory would say…………just keep swimming……………..